Hollywood Walk-Off

For movies, January and February are usually a boring time when the Hollywood studios, after blowing all their cash promoting year end oscar-baiting films, release sub-par movies no one cares about. But not this year! In the coming weeks, a battle of epic proportions will be waged in theaters across the country by Hollywood’s A-list talent. I’m speaking of course, about the Hollywood Walk-Off.

The battle begins January 22nd with the release of Extraordinary Measures.

Which tells the stirring story of Harrison Ford and Brendan Fraser, reprising their roles from Indiana Jones and The Mummy, as they walk through a hallway paved in brick, or some sort of indoor horse stable. Advanced buzz says Brendan Fraser’s performance is so good Harrison Ford generously gave him top billing.

The next week, Mel Gibson walks out from the Edge of Darkness.

Mel Gibson plays a married cop angrily walking around, looking for his gun holster. Word on the street is Mel intentionally starred in a bad studio film to prove the Jews in Hollywood are ruining America.

Soon after, John Travolta and Jonathan Rhys Meyers join the fray in From Paris With Love

Travolta plays a chemo patient who decides traditional treatment isn’t working and decides to walk to cancer’s front door and kill it once and for all. Rhys Meyers plays a straight laced cancer specialist who initially tries to stop Travolta, but then realizes gun battles are the only way to defeat such a terrible disease. Since this is based on a story by Luc Besson, the movie probably thinks it’s a lot better than it actually is.

And for those concerned this Walk-Off is a total sausage fest, comes Girl on the Train.

About a girl cursed to walk the earth surrounded by a radial blur that obliterates any person who tries to get physically or emotionally close to her.

I’m excited. I don’t think we’ve seen walking of this caliber since 1992’s Reservoir Dogs.