Third Eye Bear

Dear R.W. Knudsen Family,

This is my letter accepting the position of art director for your juice boxes. What’s that, you didn’t realize you hired me? Well you did, it says so right here on an actual juice box of yours.

Oh my god, that bear has three eyes! If you’re going to spend the money to license the Berenstain Bears, you should also spend the money to hire an illustrator that won’t make them look like a three-eyed alien. This is generally something that an art director knows, which is why you hired me.

Also, a good art director notices when their illustrator is being lazy.

Each character has the same awful head! Now, I can understand your former art director letting one wonky face drawing slide (after all, who’s looking at the mom’s face when she’s wearing that sexy moo moo?), but to approve the same exact same awful head on 4 separate occasions? That’s your art director saying, “Mr. and Mrs. Knudsen, I want Adam to take this job from me.” And I accept.

Sincerely,
Adam

P.S. Make sure my contract stipulates that I get all the free mixed berry juice I want.

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Tags: berenstain bears, fruit juice, juice box, knudsen

Advertising, Open Letter, Pictures, Writing | Adam | March 24, 2009 10:24 pm

7 Comments

By RyanMCFC, March 25, 2009 @ 10:37 am

If I was a Knudsen I would force the vote and we would see how you could shape up our Berenstein Bear line. You really seem to have big, wild ideas and I like that in an art director. Who else would have thought that putting the same stupid head with same 3-eyed stare, wry smile and giant spit-catcher, on every damn member of the family was a bad idea? Certainly not me.
By Dirt McGirt, March 25, 2009 @ 10:44 am

I’m surprised you haven’t provided us a revised sample…
By paul, March 25, 2009 @ 12:19 pm

Their mouth(s) resemble that of a basking shark or baleen whale.

Everything about the Berenstein Bears is creepy.
By Adam, March 26, 2009 @ 12:42 pm

That should be rectified tonight.
By Christina Rodriguez, March 26, 2009 @ 3:12 pm

Well, at least they’re organic, lazily-drawn, three-eyed bears.
By Lauren, October 13, 2009 @ 12:12 am

very amusing =] indeed.
By Dung Brauman, January 18, 2011 @ 2:09 pm

Everyone continually generate the most useful articles or blog posts. And you also constantly apparently receive bad/boring things plus flip these people directly into exciting/interesting points. I am a audience for a lifetime!