The Real World: United Nations

This is the true story of 192 countries picked to live in a house, work together, and have their lives taped and translated. Find out what happens when countries stop being polite and start getting real.

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Iraq’s room

Iraq: America, get out already!

America: I was just helping you hang some curtains.

Iraq: They’re up. They’re a little crooked, but they’re up. And hopefully better than those old Venetian blinds you tore down. But whatever, you need to get out. Also, can I borrow 100 bucks?

America: I thought you were getting a job at the gas station.

Iraq: That’s not working out as well as we hoped. Give me some money.

…

The living room

China: What’s up, America? Want to watch Julie & Julia? I got it on DVD. The picture’s a little shaky, but you can still tell what’s going on.

America: Maybe later. But hey, while I’m here, Iraq needs 100 bucks, so can I borrow 200 hundred bucks?

China: Okay, but you have to promise to not get mad when I leave my trash everywhere, torture my house guests and switch your toothpaste with lead.

America: Deal.

…

The kitchen

Israel: You put your finger in my peanut butter, Palestine.

Palestine: You stole my peanut butter.

Israel: No, I was given your peanut butter. You can’t just put your finger in it.

Palestine: I can do whatever I want with MY peanut butter.

Palestine’s cousin kicks Israel in the shins.

Israel: Damnit Palestine!

Palestine: Hey that was my cousin, not me.

Palestine winks at his cousin.

Israel punches Palestine in the face.

Palestine’s cousin give’s Israel a dead-leg.

Israel puts Palestine in a headlock.

America: Hey guys, knock it off!

Israel and Palestine: NO!

Palestine’s cousin kicks America in the crotch.

America: Sonofa!

America farts on Palestine.

Palestine: See? You always take his side!

…

The front door

Italy: Ahh, you’ve come at last, my darling.

Young Hot Babe: Tee hee.

France: Hey Italy. You have to stop inviting all these strange girls over.

Young Hot Babe: Giggle, giggle.

Italy: I can do what I want!

France: Yeah, but there’s just so many of them and we don’t know who they are. What if they try to steal something? Show a little restraint.

Italy: You are just jealous.

France: I’ve got a supermodel wife.

Italy: Touché

France: Also, put on some pants. You’re embarrassing yourself.

…

House meeting

Afghanistan: Why was I brought to this meeting?

America: You’ve got to start cleaning your bathroom.

Afghanistan: I resent the implication! My bathroom is spotless.

England: Everyone can smell it. The whole house reeks.

Afghanistan: I don’t know what you’re talking about.

America: Look, Afghanistan, I’ll come in and help you clean up.

Russia: Oooh, America. Ix-nay on the elp-hay.

America: Why? What’s wrong.

Russia: I once tried getting in there and couldn’t handle it.

America: That was a long time ago. I’m sure it’ll be different with me.

Russia: Your funeral.

…

Outside Iran’s door

America: Hey, Iran, we need to talk.

Iran pokes his head out

Iran: What do you want?

England: Can we come in?

Iran: No.

France: Look, we know you’re making a meth lab in there.

Iran: No I’m not. That’s ridiculous.

America: Can we come in?

Iran: No.

France: If you don’t let us in in the next month or so, there will be terrible consequences.

Iran: You’ll kick me out of the house?

England: Worse. We’ll make you pay a larger share of the utilities.

Iran: What? That’s crazy. China, you’re okay with this?

China: It’s nothing personal.

Iran: Typical. And Russia, you too? What about bros before G.I. Joes?

Russia: Oh man, Iran. Don’t be like that. You know you’re my brother from another mother, but seriously, you could blow up the house.

Iran: Whatever. North Korea’s got tons of crazy stuff in his room.

North Korea: (heard muffled through his door) Yeah! Say hello to my little friend! Kill ‘em all, Pacino

America: Right, but he just holes up in his room and watches movies.

…

House hallway

Libya: (ranting to self) Swine flu was invented by the American Coast Guard to kill Martin Luther King Jr! I want a sandwich. The Vatican is responsible for 9/11. A roast beef sandwich! Arabs and Jews play naked Twister with each other. Lettuce and tomato, hold the mayo.

Germany: Can’t we force Libya into a nursing home or something? He’s obviously lost it.

Italy: I’m afraid not. He lives in a tent in our backyard. That’s out of our jurisdiction.

Libya: I said hold the mayo! Africa vetoes this sandwich.

…

House meeting

Turkey: I just want to say again, I didn’t drink the Armenian coffee, and that it was a long time ago, but that most importantly I deny drinking it.

America: Hey Turkey, relax, no need to bring it up. No one is saying you killed the pot of Armenian coffee.

France: Actually, I think he did.

Russia: Me too.

Italy: He totally finished it off.

America: Look, the important thing is we move past whatever Turkey did or did not do so we can play his Xbox 360.

Germany: This is bull! I’m not always included in house meetings because of that time I ate all the bagels, but you’re willing to let Turkey off the hook?

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Tags: Ahmadinejad, Ahmet Davutoglu, America, Angela Merkel, Barack Obama, Benjamin Netanyahu, China, Dmitry Medvedev, England, featured, France, Germany, Gordon Brown, Hamid Karzai, Hu Jintao, Iran, Iraq, Israel, Italy, Kim Jong-il, Mahmoud Abbas, Mtv, Muammar al-Gaddafi, Nicolas Sarkozy, Nouri al-Maliki, Palestine, Real World, Russia, Silbio Berlusconi, Turkey, United Nations

Dialogues, News, Politics, Television, Writing | Adam | September 27, 2009 11:56 pm

19 Comments

By Remon, September 28, 2009 @ 4:23 pm

I love your website!!! Smart and funny!

Greatings from Holland (Netherlands)
By Adam, September 28, 2009 @ 5:10 pm

Thanks Remon. Tell your friends.
By John, September 30, 2009 @ 1:14 pm

Africa vetoes this sandwich. AMAZING.
By Shauna, September 30, 2009 @ 3:36 pm

you forgot the Canadian prime minister, the guy in those pictures who always looks like he’s not quite sure how he got there.
By Morgan, September 30, 2009 @ 4:36 pm

Hilarious.
By Jeni, October 1, 2009 @ 1:45 pm

This should be required reading for all incoming HS Freshmen. Genius!
By Adam, October 2, 2009 @ 2:15 pm

Thanks guys, and good point about Canada. Let’s just pretend Canada wanted to be included but no one paid much attention.
By word, October 5, 2009 @ 4:57 pm

I would think that instead of Israel merely punching the Palestinian for kicking them it would be more accurate to say that the Israel shoot Palestine in the nuts for complaining about the theft of his peanut butter =P
By Mauro, October 6, 2009 @ 12:55 pm

Really funny. I find U.S.’s personification a little naive, but still hilarious. Keep up with the good job!
By Lilly, October 14, 2009 @ 2:57 pm

I really enjoyed this!! you made me laugh out loud. Especially loved the living room. Keep up the good work! Greetings!
By SoapScum, October 14, 2009 @ 4:15 pm

Funny! I think you should actually produce this as an animation or something. AWESOME.
By colossus, October 21, 2009 @ 9:46 am

you are a genius. No really, you are. This is the greatest piece of comic relief I’ve ever read. Keep up the good work.
By Monica, April 2, 2010 @ 4:00 am

@SoapScum – Axis Powers Hetalia is pretty close.
By Sara, July 16, 2010 @ 3:54 pm

too funny! nicely done! haha
By Andrea, September 10, 2010 @ 1:38 pm

How do I get on this?! Guess I’ll just have to sleep with Italy
By Alp, November 26, 2010 @ 2:12 pm

I want more . You are great.