My New Tax Plan: A Modest Proposal

Like everyone else in the rainbow coalition of white people (covering the spectrum from ivory to pearl) who attended Tea Parties across our great nation, I am sick and tired of the Federal Government taxing me to death. Just like Hitler, Obama–a Muslim extremist, communist, fascist, peace-loving wuss–wants to crush freedom by stealing my money to fund a universal health care program. This un-Christian, un-American concern for those less fortunate cannot stand.

Update: 8/11/2009
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He Can’t Be All Four
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So with that in mind, I offer a new tax plan.

Now I’m not advocating the total elimination of taxes. As much as I want a weak national government unable to force its will on my life, I also want a strong national army able to force its will on other countries.

So the real questions is, how do we make sure all of our taxes go to the army?

And the answer is quite simple. Instead of paying taxes with money, we send the IRS actual weapons for the army to use (but we’ll have to ship them with FedEx since the United States Postal Service won’t transport guns and ammunition).

Depending on how much an individual makes, he or she could owe anything from a few boxes of bullets, to a FGM-148 Javelin anti-tank guided missile.

Just to give you an example, under my plan Joe the Plumber, who reported earning $40,000 in 2006, would owe two M16 assault riffles with M203 grenade launcher attachments, a M6 bayonet-knife, and three M40 series protective gas masks.

Finally paying your taxes will give you that warm, fuzzy, patriotic feeling that comes from understanding how you are directly contributing to the good of our country.

Another great thing about my plan is that it makes figuring out your taxes a piece of cake. Say goodbye to confusing forms and math. Say hello to drawings of guns.

Also my plan closes tax loopholes for corporations who will be responsible for big ticket items like B2 Stealth Bombers, Abrams Tanks and Aircraft Carriers. And as a way to keep track of their payments, corporations will have to put their logo on each purchase.

You have to admit, this is the perfect tax plan. It’s simple to use, easy to understand, and it ensures continued military dominance while completely crippling any communist agenda Obama has in store for us. After all, you can’t help a family in need with a lightweight, gas-operated, one-man-portable M249 Squad Automatic Weapon.

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Tags: 1040, Abrams Tank, Aircraft Carrier, Apple, AT&T, B2 Stealth Bomber, Barack Obama, Bradley Fighting Vehicle, Chinook helicopter, Coca-Cola, F16 Fighting Falcon, Joe the Plumber, McDonald's, Photoshop, Taxes, Tea Bagging, Tea Party, The Home Depot, Walmart

Advertising, Buy Something, News, Pictures, Writing, economy | Adam | April 27, 2009 12:09 am

21 Comments

By Jay, August 19, 2009 @ 5:23 pm

Adam,

This is some funny shit, man. I’m using your McDonald’s Stealth for a screen saver.

Cheers.

Jay
By EMR, August 25, 2009 @ 5:05 pm

Will you marry me?
By Russell, September 3, 2009 @ 4:13 pm

It should say “I’m bombin’ it.” Just saying.
By P Woods, September 4, 2009 @ 12:38 pm

Those are funny- the military mock-ups actually remind me of “Idiocracy”.

My favorite, though, is the top poster.
By :: smo ::, September 10, 2009 @ 11:17 pm

haha love it! they were talking a bit about the nazi, socialist, communist, progressive “insert accusatory connotation here” tactic on npr today. it’s fun ignoring history for the sake of scaring people! yaye!

great shirt!
By Clare Mac, September 16, 2009 @ 4:53 pm

Dude – this is frickin’ funny! When we were bombarded with the big brother viewing of GWII I had the same thought – GWII sponsored by Coca Cola – the free publicity was better than the Olympic 100m Men’s sprint final!
By Patricia, October 15, 2009 @ 1:41 pm

LOVE the poster!
By Patricia, October 15, 2009 @ 2:02 pm

following you on twitter..r u on FB? i’m posting you on my wall after seeing your stuff on I”m Sick of Right Wing Smears page.
Love the whole post.
By LR, October 15, 2009 @ 2:21 pm

Brilliant!
By LR, October 15, 2009 @ 2:27 pm

What if I’velost my job? How to pay for taxes then? Any way I could still contribute to our military might?
By Ben, October 15, 2009 @ 4:16 pm

Can’t decide which I like more, the T-shirt or the Tax Plan.
By ollie, October 15, 2009 @ 4:33 pm

Don’t laugh (too hard)….some of this might indeed happen.

“CNN: we are reporting the military “Tostitos” assault on Kabul”…
By Don Reitmeyer, October 15, 2009 @ 5:58 pm

As long as Corporations are allowed to Donate money to these Lawmaker’s in Public Office, “We The People,” will not be represented. They vote the way their contributor wants, not what’s best for Taxpayer’s. Look at the No-Bid Contracts and Non-Negotiable medicaid drug prices. How does this benefit Taxpayers? Sen. Hatch should be locked in a room naked with Richard Hatch from “Survivor”.LOL. “Let the sodomy begin”, just like us taxpayers get.
By SANDRA, October 16, 2009 @ 1:18 pm

HYSTERICAL! YOU ARE BRILLIANT. WHAT A FIND.
By Leishtek, October 29, 2009 @ 11:31 pm

Politically speaking, in Metal Gear Solid 4 all wars of the future are made by corporations. For profit. So you finally crossed the Rubicon, brother. Thanks for bringing about the end of human kind…i’m bombin’ it, too.
By M*, November 9, 2009 @ 4:42 pm

LMAO << Like everyone else in the rainbow coalition of white people (covering the spectrum from ivory to pearl)
By Estate Tax, November 18, 2009 @ 4:35 am

LOL! The McDonalds logo on the bomber was so funny, my mom thought I was going crazy while laughing at the screen. I’ll probably join the air force just to fly one of those.
By Mason Locke, December 28, 2009 @ 9:07 am

LOVED THE SHIRT! AWESOME! I’ve added a link to my blog.

http://craftypolitics.wordpress.com/2009/12/28/gotta-have-t-shirt/

Hope it boosts your sales.