Celebrity Cover Bands

Most celebrities secretly want to be rock stars but don’t know how to write songs. Which is why they should start cover bands! Here are a few celebrity cover band ideas.

Mark Paul Gosselaar is doing a pretty good job of moving past his Saved By The Bell days. But showbiz is a fickle mistress, so if his career takes a “Dustin Diamond” he can always start a Doors cover band.

Zack Morrison

Wilford Brimley. Whether it be oatmeal, diabetes or Cocoon, the man is known for associating with the best in the business. And you know who else was the best in the business? Otis Redding.

Quaker Oatis Redding

Now that Jon and Kate broke up, he’s probably wondering what to do with his life. If only there was someone else who broke up the union that rocketed him to stardom, but then did just fine on his own…Oh wait, there is. John Lennon!

Jon Minus Kate Plus Lennon

William Shatner has already had some success in the music business, but his career would really take off if he applied his unique spoken-word styling to Nirvana songs.

Kirk Cobain

And finally, Warner Bros. hasn’t done anything interesting with the Looney Toons in a long time. I think it’s time to dust off Marvin the Martian and have him make an album.

Marvin the Martian Gaye

Star Trek: The New Star Wars

My thesis, in video form.

My defense of said (seen?) thesis in written, Photoshopped and T-shirted form.

The age old battle between Star Wars and Star Trek is over. Star Wars won. And it won by convincing the latest Star Trek movie to join the Force.

Old Star Trek was about exploration, moral dilemmas and social criticism by way of ridiculous alien races.

New Star Trek is about sword fights on platforms hanging thousands of feet above the ground.

In other words, it’s Star Wars.

But looked at another way, Star Trek is the real winner because Star Trek is a whole lot better at being Star Wars than Star Wars ever was. Star Wars’s greatest strength is exciting the imaginations of ten-year-olds who then go on to imagine Star Wars being better than it actually is. For example, consider Boba Fett.

In the original trilogy, Boba Fett was a minor character with no personality who dies by basically losing his balance. That’s not very cool. But because Boba Fett was such a blank slate, fans projected something cool onto him and now they think his costume is so cool that no one will notice their gut.

When writing about Star Wars, one is contractually obligated to make at least one fat joke, even if it's a reach.

Next, let’s consider Kirk in the latest Star Trek. He’s brash, he breaks rules, he’s good looking and he gets what he wants. To put it another way, Kirk is everything fans want Han Solo to be.

And this Kirk wouldn’t shoot second. He wouldn’t even shoot first. He’d just sleep with Greedo’s mom.

So Star Wars fans win by getting the new Star Trek. But Star Trek fans, who appreciated all the tough moral choices and political ideals of Star Trek, still do okay because they have the new Battlestar Galactica series. Which means the only real losers here are fans of the original Battlestar Galactica.

But that’s okay, they were losers to begin with.

Trek is the new Wars
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