Celebrity Cover Bands

Most celebrities secretly want to be rock stars but don’t know how to write songs. Which is why they should start cover bands! Here are a few celebrity cover band ideas.

Mark Paul Gosselaar is doing a pretty good job of moving past his Saved By The Bell days. But showbiz is a fickle mistress, so if his career takes a “Dustin Diamond” he can always start a Doors cover band.

Zack Morrison

Wilford Brimley. Whether it be oatmeal, diabetes or Cocoon, the man is known for associating with the best in the business. And you know who else was the best in the business? Otis Redding.

Quaker Oatis Redding

Now that Jon and Kate broke up, he’s probably wondering what to do with his life. If only there was someone else who broke up the union that rocketed him to stardom, but then did just fine on his own…Oh wait, there is. John Lennon!

Jon Minus Kate Plus Lennon

William Shatner has already had some success in the music business, but his career would really take off if he applied his unique spoken-word styling to Nirvana songs.

Kirk Cobain

And finally, Warner Bros. hasn’t done anything interesting with the Looney Toons in a long time. I think it’s time to dust off Marvin the Martian and have him make an album.

Marvin the Martian Gaye

Fine Art, Ugly Economy

As the New York Times reports, the art world is having to come to terms with the economy’s bleak outlook. And nowhere is that more true than with me. As you must know, I am a ridiculously successful fine artist, but now that collectors are spending less, I’ve had to scale back my grand vision. Here are a few of my would-be masterpieces that our failing economy has robbed you of.

1) A Monet Water Lilies painting decoupaged with hundred dollar bills.

2) A spoken word piece in which I convince people with minimum wage jobs to take out million dollar loans.

3) A shot for shot remake of the “Jessie Gets Strung Out on Caffeine Pills” episode of Saved By the Bell acted out entirely by Tom Hanks using motion capture software.

4) An equestrian sculpture of Alan Greenspan made of gold.

Yes, the world is a much poorer place without those works of art, but it’s not all bad news. Now I’ll finally have no choice but to debut my performance piece titled “Working at Burger King.”

So be on the look out for that. It’s a work that New York Times art critic Holland Cotter might very well call, “An unflinching exploration into making ends meet.”