A senator vetoes Glee

When I was elected, I swore to serve the American people, and I’m sorry honey, but the American people do not want us to watch Glee tonight. I’m all for bipartisanship, but I’m not doing my job by voting for a soulless work of lowest-common denominator pandering with cringe inducing musical numbers.

That’s not me talking, honey, that’s the American people. Sure the Nielsen-Gallup polls show a strong support for your Glee bill, but if they actually sat down and read the 44 page script, they’d realize how disingenuous it is for a show that is supposedly about social outcasts to revolve mostly around football players and cheerleaders.

And I don’t listen to polls anyway. I listen to the people. People like Betsy Roderick, a single mother of three struggling to make ends meet, who wrote to me pleading, “Anytime the glee teacher Will Schuester performs a musical number, it’s like watching my uncle dance to Lady Gaga at a wedding party.”

And I’ll never forget Paul Henderson, a lanky 15-year-old, who came up to me with tears in his eyes asking, “Wouldn’t Glee have been more interesting if they came up with good characters instead of a caricature of what middle-aged white guys think Diablo Cody thinks high school students are like?”

Also, honey, your Glee proposal is too expensive. I ran it by the congressional budget office and they said there’s no way a high school could afford the number of costumes and set designs seen in just one episode of Glee, let alone the entire season. They also raised some troubling questions as to how all the students could perform synchronized dance routines without ever practicing.

Oh honey, don’t look so cross at me. I have to act in the best interests of the American people, my hands are tied. We can still come to a compromise. The Jane Lynch section of your Glee bill is quite good, so why don’t you bring a new proposal to the floor that maintains the Lynch clause? I would suggest season one of Party Down.

Now that was a good show. Too bad it didn’t gain traction with the voters.