OJ Simpson | Adam Thinks

Posts tagged: OJ Simpson

OJ Simpson’s Redemption

Ghost of Johnny Cochran: Hey OJ, how’s it going?

OJ Simpson: I’m in jail. How do you think?

Ghost of Johnny Cochran: Oh right. Sorry about dying before you stopped being an idiot.

OJ Simpson: What do you want? I don’t have any money.

Ghost of Johnny Cochran: No man, this is a personal visit. I was talking with Ted Kennedy in the afterlife and it hit me like an 1967 Oldsmobile Delmont 88 driving off a bridge in Chappaquiddick. This guy also killed a white woman, but everyone forgave him because of his years of public service.

OJ Simpson: So you think people will forgive me if I become a Senator?

Ghost of Johnny Cochran: Exactly!

OJ Simpson: That’s crazy. What do I know about politics?

Ghost of Johnny Cochran: Orenthal James Simpson, if you can win the Heisman Trophy, rush for 11,236 yards in the NFL, and hold your own on screen with Liam Neeson.

OJ Simpson: Leslie Nielsen.

Ghost of Johnny Cochran: Whatever. The point is, I’m sure if you put your mind to it, you could also become a lion of the senate. And once you get that type of prestige, people will find it unseemly to mention your murderous past.

OJ Simpson: I’ll be in prison for the next 9 years. When I get out do you really think I have a chance of winning a statewide election?

Ghost of Johnny Cochran: In California? Of course! They’ll vote for anyone whose name they recognize, and I already know twelve of your peers whose vote you’ve got. You’re practically a shoe-in for 2022.

OJ Simpson: I guess it’s worth a shot.

Ghost of Johnny Cochran: Or a stab!

The two laugh heartily.