Johnson: Thank you all for showing up. I know it wasn’t easy to make it in on such short notice, but we are in crisis mode here.
As the number one provider of novelty glasses for New Year’s Eve since 1999, we have made an ungodly fortune. Our clever design, with the zeros as eye holes, has outsold noisemakers, party hats, glow-sticks and streamers for 10 years. But while we frittered away the decade rolling naked in hundred dollar bills, a looming problem went unsolved.
Put simply, we are out of numbers that work with our glasses design. So unless anyone wants to give up their private jets, country club memberships or white slaves, we need a viable solution. Any ideas?
Rogers: Was this really worth calling me back from my winter house in Rio? 2010 still has two zeros in it. Can’t we just make that work?
Johnson: 2010 is a quick fix, but then what? Wait until 2020? Our business model can barely handle an 11 month 2 week lull in sales. How do you think we’d survive a decade?
Rogers: You’re right. I’m sorry.
Johnson: Good effort though. Let’s keep thinking, see what else we come up with.
Seilers: What if we put the numbers above the eyes?
Johnson: Above the eyes? You just described a headband, or even worse, a tiara, which would cut our target market in half.
Seilers: Why do we have to stick with glasses?
Johnson: In 1999, my father had a dream. A dream to sell novelty glasses where you could look out of the number holes. I will not let his dream die the same way he did, on January 1st 2009 from a heart attack in a cheap Vegas hotel room.
Minslow: Why don’t we write out the years in base 2? So instead of 2011, it’s 11111011011.
Johnson: I don’t think people would get that.
Minslow: What are you talking about? All my friends would understand it immediately.
Johnson: Who are you again?
Minslow: I program the website.
Johnson: Then what do you care? You’ll be able to find a job after this anyway. Common people, we’re brainstorming here. There are no bad ideas in brainstorms.
Ackerman: How about this. We sneak into everyon’s house and set their calendars back 10 years, that way we get to start all over again!
Johnson: You’re fired.
Ackerman: Fair enough…
Johnson: Anyone else? Any other ideas?
Johnson: Ackerman, you’re hired again. We’re going with your idea.