Hobbits Are Real

Adam — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 04:51:49 +0000

For those of you who don’t have a Google Alert set for “Indonesia + Hobbit,” boy do I have news for you. According to this article, scientists found an 18,000 year old skeleton of a 3 foot tall hobbit. Apparently these little munchkins had brains smaller than a chimpanzee’s yet could make fire and hunt primitive elephants with their sophisticated stone tools. If that’s not cool enough, after analyzing the skull, scientists decided that no matter how awesome hobbit-love-making would be, we could not produce fertile offspring with them–i.e. they are a different species!

Of course my first thought was, “What a fantastic scientific discovery.” And my second thought was, “How can I make money off of this?”

So ladies and gentlemen, I present to you.

Forget dinosaurs, woolly mammoths or your dead cat, we need to get to work on cloning hobbits pronto. Woolly mammoths and cats are lame and on top of that I’d probably be allergic. Dinosaurs are cool but a bad idea because they are dangerous and have an insatiable appetite for Jeff Goldblum. But hobbits are cool and if they escaped, even with their “sophisticated” stone tools, they couldn’t do much worse than give everyone a case of the adorables.

Don’t believe me? Maybe this YouTube clip I made will convince you.

And that’s worst case scenario. Best case scenario, one throws some jewelry into a volcano and rids the world of nuclear bombs.

I never believed science should do something just because it can, but this is making me reconsider. And I’m not naive, I know the task ahead is difficult and will cost tens of hundreds of dollars, which is why I’m opening the gift shop a little early. So support science and amusement parks (Sciemusement parks? I call trademark) by purchasing this lovely shirt.

Hobbit Park
$25

So now that safety and funding has been taken care of, who has a PCR replication kit at their home? Let’s get started.

Adam Thinks » Hobbit

Hobbits Are Real