Humane Executions

Earlier today Utah executed Ronnie Lee Gardner for killing a man while trying to escape from a courthouse in 1985.  His execution caused a bit of controversy because he choose to die by firing squad and some people found it distasteful to use guns in an execution.

I could not agree more.

Guns are loud and scary, and bullet wounds are gross.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for bloodlust and deadly retribution, but we shouldn’t debase ourselves with the same unsightly violence we seek to punish.

To put it another way, our executions need to be less icky.

This is why I’m also against the electric chair.  I don’t even like seeing someone put a nine volt battery on their tongue, let alone get strapped to a chair and have a metal cap shoot 2000 volts of electricity through their body causing them to throw up, crap themselves, spasm violently enough to break bones and even catch fire before they die.

Most other methods aren’t any better.  Hangings feel antiquated, guillotines leave you with an unsightly head, and even lethal injections are a problem because I don’t like needles.

The good news is, I’ve come up with a solution.

From now on, we should only execute prisoners by burying them alive.   It’s perfect because if they’re in a coffin we can’t see them die, and if they’re underground we can’t hear them scream.   Even better, we never have to deal with the body because it’s already buried!  No muss, no fuss!

And best of all, it’s the most humane option, because keeps us from witnessing our inhumane behavior.

Israel and Charles Atlas

Israel is a dangerous topic to tackle. Whatever your opinion, it’s important your position appreciates the intricate and emotionally volatile situation.

Or you could photoshop an old Charles Atlas comic book advertisement.

Acronyms Can Really Obnoxiously Negate Your Motive

Chris French enters his apartment and is startled to find his friends Albert Dutch, Beth English and David Dijibouti waiting for him.

Albert: Chris, we need to talk.

Beth: This is an intervention.

David: It’s about your store’s name.

Chris: Chris French Cleaners?  What’s wrong with that?

Albert: Don’t you see?

Chris
French
Cleaners

CFC!

Beth: That stands for chlorofluorocarbons.

David: Chloroflurocarbons created the hole in our ozone layer.

Albert: You’ve named your dry cleaning store after a dangerous pollutant!

Beth: It’s too ironic!  It will ruin your business.

Chris: Relax, it’s been that way since 1959.  I’ll be fine.

Albert: That’s what I thought about my failed condom business.

Albert’s
Infectious
Defense
System.

AIDS!

Beth: Yes, and my now-defunct infant furniture store.

Beth’s
Antique
Bassinets.
Yellowing
Merchandise
Unwaveringly
Reliable
Despite
Evident
Repairs.

BABY MURDER!

David: And my out-of-print peaceful New Age philosophy book!

David’s
Altruistic
Theology
Encompassing
Religion
And
Practical
Ethics.
Developed
Reverently
Unto
God’s
Service.

DATE RAPE DRUGS!

Chris: But you guys worked so hard creating ironic acronyms that you were clearly more interested in being clever than being successful.

Anthony: Oh, good point.

Beth: Yeah, I never even cared about babies.

David: Now I regret changing my name from Hank.

Numbalex: Depressed Yet?

Here’s the latest from my UCB Comedy Beta team, The Brig.

Numbalex: Depressed Yet?
Watch more comedy videos at UCB Comedy

I wrote it, Matt Mayer directed it and Nathan Russell shot and edited it.

This was an easy concept to pitch but a really difficult one to write (It’s hard to find facts you can state in a single sentence that are depressing, but in context make the commercial’s point of view funny and not just depressing).  I did a first draft that was all over the place in terms of tone and approach, and the rest of the team really helped me refine and organize the idea.  Also, my favorite line (about marriage) comes courtesy of Crystal Delahanty.

1 Laptop per 3rd World n00b

Here’s the second video from my UCB Comedy Beta team The Brig.

A quick warning, some of these visuals are NSFW, or at the very least not safe for moms.

1 Laptop per 3rd World n00b
Watch more comedy videos at UCB Comedy

I wrote, directed and animated it.  Matt Mayer did narration.  Zack Phillips was also really helpful during the rewriting process, batting around ideas and forcing me to really figure out what I was going for.  Hurray teamwork!

2010 New Year’s Eve Novelty Glasses

2010 threatens the very existence of New Year’s Eve novelty glasses.

Written, directed and edited by me.

Starring (in speaking order)
Paul Costabile
Dom Manzolillo
Lauren Adams
Kelly Hudson
Benjamin Apple
Adam Bozarth

Producer: Hilda Karadsheh

Camera: Matt Mayer

Lights: Mike Costabile

Music: Kevin MacLeod

If this seems familiar, I originally did this idea as a written piece back in January.

Flow Charts

I was thinking of becoming an infographic designer, but then realized I can never top this.

They might as well retire the industry.

Sin Destroyers – Gifts to the World

A few years ago, my friend Andy Kennedy and I directed and animated a music video for the song Gifts to the World by his band Sin Destroyers.  A lot of people think they know the story of Christmas, but only Sin Destroyers–the world’s Christianest rock band–know what really went down.

The band has since broken up, but since ’tis the season and all, here’s the video:

If Andy looks familiar, that’s because he was also in my infomercial How To Get An Attractive Girlfriend.

You might also recognize Peter, whose music video I Would Hate Yo Be You I recently directed.

And the bass player Mike, is the co-inventor of Fauxkour.

Thanksgiving Art

I’m at my parent’s house and came across these Thanksgiving drawings I did as a kid. I hope you enjoy them.

I Would Hate To Be You

I just directed a music video for the song “I Would Hate To Be You” by my very talented friend Peter Squires. You need to watch it.

The song is from Peter’s album Woe is Me which you can download for free at PeterSquiresSongs.com

And yes, that is me as the jerk in the video.