My concession speech

While I did not win the election, I don’t view this as a defeat. My opponent and I had a healthy debate on the issues and the majority of voters disagreed with my views. That is democracy at its finest.

I got into politics for one reason: to serve the people. And the people voted against me. Which is why I am making one simple promise.

I will not change.

With this election, the people have spoken, and they have said quite clearly, “We are stupid.” So I will serve the people by fighting against everything they voted for. This will cause political gridlock, halt any real progress and create enough frustration to confuse the people into thinking I can fix it. Then, and only then, will I have served the people by showing them I was right all along. That is democracy at its finest.

See you in two years!

My Twitter Campaign Gets Nasty

A few months ago I started a campaign to get more followers on my Twitter account @AdamSacks than California’s 19th district representative George Radanovich.

Now I could understand a Senator having more followers than me, but Radanovich is just a Congressman. Winning a Congressional seat is the grown-up equivalent of winning a high school election. Sure they run on a platform of increasing lunch breaks and decreasing homework, but everyone knows they won’t have the power to actually do anything.

Though what mostly annoyed me was that George Radanovich’s tweets were so boring they made me yearn for the excitement of a floor debate on C-SPAN.

It’s been about five months since I threw down the Twitter gauntlet, so I figured it’s time to check my campaign’s progress.

First of all, hands down, I’m still beating George on the quality scale. Here’s his latest tweet (20 days old, I might add).

Versus mine (still fresh from this afternoon).

But the problem is, I’m not gaining traction with voters. When I started campaigning against Radanovich, he was leading me in the polls 499 followers to 83. Now he’s leading me 1,244 followers to 290. Some of my analysts say this is good news because I have a higher percentage growth rate. But that’s like winning the Most Improved Athlete award, which we all knows goes to whoever was the worst to begin with.

I want to crush Radanovich, so I talked it over with my campaign manager and we’ve decided to go negative. But I do have morals, so I won’t stoop so low as to compare Radanovich to Hitler. I don’t think it’s fair to compare anyone to that monster.

However, there are other monsters I’m more than willing to compare Radanovich to. Such as…

And…

But what I think all Republicans fear most are French people.

That’s right, Radanovich, the gloves are coming off.

As for everyone else, what are you waiting for? Follow me on Twitter.

My Twitter Campaign

You can’t read a newspaper, blog, or news crawl on cable TV without seeing something about Twitter. Though, to be honest, I think the real story really has to with how popular Twitter is among reporters. Let’s face it, the only reason we’re seeing so many Twitter stories is because most reporters yearn to write about themselves, and their Twitter addiction seems more newsworthy than how much they play Resident Evil 4 on Wii. That said, if “everyone” thinks Twitter is going to be the next Google, wrapped in Facebook, grilled over an open eBay and served up with a side of YouTube and steak fries, who am I to argue?

Which brings me to a realization: I need to seriously step up my Twitter account @AdamSacks. I mean, United States House of Representatives have more followers than me. It’s bad enough when Congressmen have more interesting sex scandals, but to beat me on the internet is just too much.

Take California’s 19th district representative George Radanovich, for instance. He has 499 followers, whereas I only have 83. That means he’s beating me by a ratio of 6 to 1. To put that another way, at that rate, if we were running the mile in high school, he’d lap me three times before I hit the second turn and then pants me in front of the girls’ field hockey team.

Now, I could understand his popularity if his “tweets” were better than mine, but (and I’m biased) they are without a doubt much worse. I could do a whole list comparing our tweets, but let’s save some time and check out his latest versus mine.

versus

You’d have to be crazy to think this Radanovich guy should be beating me. Which is why I’m fighting back. George Radanovich may have run for Congress uncontested, but today I throw my hat into the ring to become more popular on Twitter. And I’m not afraid to get a little mud in my sling. Check out this bumper sticker.

Watch your back, George, one day I will have more followers than you. And if anyone would like to get involved in my campaign, stop wasting your time and follow me.

Perfume Tag Lines

Perfume ad campaigns are so lame. Ooh look, another celebrity with legal fees photographed in soft light staring vacantly at the camera. Who needs famous-ish women when you have a great tag line? Here are a few I thought of.

Any one of these taglines would sell as much soap scented water as Kate Winslet.