What I like most about this campaign is how I interpret it to be the Metropolitan Transit Authority deputizing me to personally dispense justice to the subterranean world.

However, I am not perfect. I’ve seen many suspicious things that I kept to myself. So, in the spirit of honesty and transparency, here’s a list of everything I failed to report to a police officer or MTA employee.

1. Someone without an iPod.

2. A quiet group of high school kids.

3. A crowded train without anyone reading Atlas Shrugged.

4. A passed out drunk who hasn’t wet himself.

5. A tastefully done advertisement for Dr. Zizmor.

6. People moving all the way into the subway during rush hour, instead of crowding the doors.

7. Detailed and anatomically accurate penis graffiti.

8. A guy successfully getting a girl’s number.

9. A late night G train running normally.

10. Out of work Julliard grads trying to make rent.

I know, it’s shameful how many times I stayed silent, but it feels good to come clean. It’s like a great weight has been lifted off my shoulders. From now on I promise to be more vigilant, and I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me my past transgressions.

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1. I got your back, Zune.
2. My Twitter Campaign Gets Nasty
3. Hollywood Walk-Off