John Roland: Compensated Spokesperson

If you live in New York City, you may have noticed this advertisement in the subway.

Wilens & Baker, P.C. really knocked it out of the park when they hired John Roland to be their spokesperson. I mean look at him.

He is such the perfect combination of old and white, that you can’t help but trust the guy. I would like to get injured on the job, just so I can use the services John Roland is paid to speak for.

It saddens and angers me that John Roland wasted 40 years of his life as a news anchor, when he could have spent that time pushing more products. Seriously, I doubt we would even be in this economic crisis if John Roland was out there more, instilling consumer confidence. Who could resist an advertisement like this?

If John Roland accepts money to tell me to eat dog food, I’ll eat dog food.

Or even…

But really, none of these take full advantage of John Roland’s trust inducing visage. Let’s dream really big.

That’s right. John Roland could take out an advertisement conning me into buying the Brooklyn Bridge, and not only would he get my entire life savings, he would get away with it. What jury could possibly convict John Roland? Maybe a jury of robots, but I doubt even their cold silicon hearts can deny his soulful eyes and open face.

US Army’s New Ad Campaign

Here’s the direction I think the US Army’s advertising should go.

I even did a TV spot.

The strength of this approach is that it’s forward looking while still acknowledging mistakes in the past.

Perfume Tag Lines

Perfume ad campaigns are so lame. Ooh look, another celebrity with legal fees photographed in soft light staring vacantly at the camera. Who needs famous-ish women when you have a great tag line? Here are a few I thought of.

Any one of these taglines would sell as much soap scented water as Kate Winslet.