Fonzie: The Later Years

Many years after the events depicted in Happy Days, Arthur Fonzarelli realized he wanted more out of life and enrolled at the Community College of Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Only taking classes taught by female professors, he graduated in a record one and a half semesters, summa cum laude with a doctorate in psychology. He opened a private practice shortly thereafter.

Bellow are the minutes from a few of Dr. Fonzarelli’s patients.

Patient 1

A knock at the door

Teenage Boy: Excuse me, is this Doctor Fonzarelli’s office?

Fonzie: Aaaayyy, what else it look like to you?

Boy: A converted garage attic.

Fonzie: Aaaay, it works, don’t it?

Boy: I guess…

Fonzie: Yeah right kid. You guess, but I know. Take a seat on the couch because the doctor is IN! (gives thumbs up)

Boy: Is that one of your white undershirts on the couch? Do you also live here?

Fonzie: Aaaay, we’re here to talk about you. What’s your problem kid?

Boy: Well…I’m having problems fitting in at school.

Fonzie: I believe it. Go on.

Boy: You see, I get picked on a lot. No one wants to be my friend.

Fonzie: You know what you’re problem is kid? You ain’t cool. Why don’t you start combing your hair like James Dean.

Boy: James who?

Fonzie: What are you, joking? James Dean is the coolest guy around.

Boy: Kids in my school like Jay-Z

Fonzie: Never heard of him. Also, when you stand, have a wide stance and stick your thumbs in your pockets like this.

Boy: That just looks weird.

Fonzie: Oh yeah and most important: wear a leather jacket.

Boy: No one in my school wears leather. We were taught that leather cruel to animals.

Fonzie: Aaaay, do you want to be as cool as me or not?

Boy: Wait, you think you’re cool?

Fonzie: Correctamundo! (gives thumbs up)

Boy begins laughing uncontrollably.

Fonzie: Quit laughing, kid. I am cool. Ask any of the kids down at Arnold’s Diner.

Boy: (still laughing) That place closed down before I was born. When’s the last time you’ve been out?

Fonzie: Maybe you should leave before I do something you regret.

The boy, still laughing, leaves.

Fonzie looks at himself in the mirror, goes to comb his hair but realizes he doesn’t have to

Fonzie: Aaaayyy!

Patient 2

Fonzie: Ayyy, so what’s a pretty little thing like you so sad about?

Woman: I feel like no one takes me seriously, because I’m a woman. My boss always talks down to me. My boyfriend never listens to what I have to say. It’s awful.

Fonzie: There, there sweet thing, let the Fonz make you feel all better.

Woman: What are you doing? Get away from me!

Fonzie: Playing hard to get? I can dig it. (gives thumbs up)

Woman: Get your hands off me right now.

Fonzie: What do you say you and I go to Inspiration Point so we can take this session to the next level? Ayyyy! (gives thumbs up)

Woman: You really don’t get it? This is exactly the type of behavior I’m talking about!

Fonzie: Ayyy! You said your boyfriend was from pitsville, so I was gonna give you the ol’ Fonzie experience. Show you you’ve still got it.

Woman: You’re a pig! And you’re probably as old as my grandfather. You’re lucky I don’t report you.

She leaves.

Fonzie: Aaay, your grandpops wishes he looked as good as me!

Fonzie looks at himself in the mirror, goes to comb his hair but realizes he doesn’t have to

Fonzie: Aaaayyy!

Patient 3

Man: My father used to terrorize me growing up, meting out harsh beatings for the tiniest things, like spilling a glass of water.

Fonzie: Aaay, I hear you. I hardly knew my Pops.

Man: You’re lucky. Because of my father’s beatings, I’m terrified of everything. He broke me, my Dad emotionally broke me, and I don’t know how to fix it.

Fonzie: Aaay, no problem. I got just the ticket.

Fonzie hits the man.

Man: Oww! Why are you hitting me?

Fonzie: It’s the Fonzie touch. You fixed yet?

Man: No, of course not.

Fonzie: Okay, tough case I guess. Let me try again.

Fonzie hits the man harder.

Man: OUCH! That really hurt.

Fonzie: But you’re all better now, right? Not all sad about your pops?

Man: (beginning to cry) No! It’s just bringing it all back.

Fonzie: All right, one last try. This one’s for all the marbles.

Fonzie hits the man even harder.

Man: (sobbing uncontrollably) NO! PLEASE STOP! Oh God, why are you beating me?

Fonzie: I don’t know what’s wrong. This always works on jukeboxes.

Man: (still crying) I’m not a jukebox!

Fonzie: Aaay, you got that right. You’re a real drag. Look at you crying all over the place. It’s embarrassing.

Man: You are awful! I’m leaving and not paying for the session.

The man leaves.

Fonzie looks at himself in the mirror, goes to comb his hair, but realizes his life is a failure and begins to cry.

Fonzie: I’ve wasted my life!

Tags: Fonzie, Happy Days, Psychology, TV

Dialogues, Television, Writing | Adam | June 1, 2009 2:09 pm

5 Comments

By Hank, June 1, 2009 @ 3:43 pm

this reads like cracked magazine, or mad tv…
By Adam, June 1, 2009 @ 3:50 pm

Ha. Well, they can’t all be winners.
By Joe, June 1, 2009 @ 6:22 pm

Pretty funny Adam, although I think it needed one or two “Correctamundo” and possibly a “wr-wr-wr-wrong”
By Adam, June 2, 2009 @ 2:59 pm

Joe, just for you I added a Correctamundo.
By kelseroo, June 2, 2009 @ 7:03 pm

Awesome. I love James Dean and leather. Oh, crap, I must be old!