My Letter As Editor-In-Chief

There are so many magazines in the world that it’s inevitable I will become editor-in-chief of one at some point in my life. To prepare for this eventuality, I have already written my first Letter from the Editor.

Letter from the Editor

Hello, my name is Adam Sacks, and I am the new editor-in-chief of this magazine. If you’re concerned about my qualifications, just check out the serious face I’m making in my black and white portrait; I obviously mean business. But I also have messy hair and stubble so you know the magazine will still be fun to read. As for the direction I will take this publication, rest assured I have the utmost respect for its past and will strive to stay true to those roots while also changing everything in an unsuccessful attempt to make it profitable on the web.

But have no fear, I promise to put far too much importance in whatever trivial subject this magazine covers. In fact, I’ll go so far as to say that every single problem in our world would be solved if only people cared more about what we talk about every month in these very pages.

Moving right along, let me off offhandedly mention some obscure details only experts in this field know about, so that you’re intimidated by my knowledge. Also, I’ll casually mention all the important industry people I’m close friends with and the lavish parties I attend on a regular basis. And now I’m making a halfhearted attempt at self-deprecation so that your jealousy of my life won’t turn into a murderous rage and drive you to end my better-than-yours life.

But enough about me, let’s talk industry news. You know that new product that everyone is talking about and won’t be released for another 6 months (not that it matters since you couldn’t afford it anyway)? Well, yesterday I got a whole truckload of them to try out. I’ve been using one for the past week and it is so much better than anything you could ever dream of, I want to cry for you poor people who won’t get to use it for another half year. Of course, I don’t know what to do with the other hundred or so they sent me. You can’t imagine how embarrassing this is. Seriously, I have so many of them, that as I’m writing this now, I’m using all the extras as a chair to sit on. Hey, here’s a fun giveaway idea. Write an essay, no more than 200 words, about why my life is so much better than yours and I’ll have my unpaid intern pick the most groveling, pathetic ones to give this wonderful product to.

I’d love to stay and write more, but I have a really exclusive, top secret, fancy event to attend. So in closing, I just want to reiterate how honored I am to be the new editor-in-chief, and how much I can’t wait to rub my awesome life in your face every month.

Stay hungry out there.

Adam Sacks