Adam Thinks » Politics

Coors Light: Martin Luther King

Adam — Mon, 17 Jan 2011 21:13:06 +0000

This MLK Day, Coors Light finally crosses the line. Here’s the latest The Brig video I directed.

Coors Light: Martin Luther King
Watch more comedy videos at UCB Comedy

Written by Zack Phillips
Directed by me
Edited by Matt Mayer
Starring Justin Purnell, Josh Patten, Dan Hodapp
Extras Matt Mayer, Zack Phillips, Jon Guitierrez

UN Home Security

Adam — Tue, 14 Dec 2010 17:45:24 +0000

I just wrote, directed and edited a video for UCBcomedy and Babelgum.

United Nations Home Security

This was by far the biggest production I’ve directed. And it had the fastest turn around. We wrapped filming on Wednesday December 8th, and I finished the video yesterday (with a few all-nighters in between).

Producers: Todd Bieber and Julie Gomez
Director of photography: Alexander Chinnici
Art director: Sarah Scheld
Special effects: Michael Costabile (the box crash), Ed Mundy (the call center computer screens), Dan Opsal (house force field), Kyle Brosius (lower thirds graphics), and me (everything else).
Narration: Ben Rameaka
Starring in order of appearance: Lauren Adams, Julia Wells, Josh Patten, Corinne Allarde, Lou Lasher, Sunita Deshpande, Dru Johnston, Todd Bieber, James Leggero, Keisha Zollar, Tabitha Lee and Sagar Bhatt

The Inception of Political Attack Ads

Adam — Mon, 01 Nov 2010 23:16:47 +0000

Commercials within commercials. Will it ever end?

Here’s a video I wrote with Zack Phillips.

I did the animation, Matt Mayer, Nathan Russell and Mark Phillips did the narration, and Mark also did the music. It starts Rob Webber, Nat Freedberg and Kent Kincannon.

Electronic Voting Shredders

Adam — Thu, 28 Oct 2010 15:44:48 +0000

Here’s the latest video from my UCB Comedy team The Brig.

Electronic Voting Shredders

Nathan Russell wrote it, I directed and edited it, Jason Guerrero shot it, and Laura Turner Garrison produced it. It stars Ben Rameaka who did a great job as a smarmy spokesman.

This week The Brig also put out Pink Cigarettes about the over commercialization of breast cancer awareness.

Pink Cigarettes

It was written by Zack Phillips, directed by Shamikah Christina Martinez, shot and edited by Nathan Russell, and I did the pink smoke special effects.

Of Mosque and Men

Adam — Mon, 30 Aug 2010 02:53:19 +0000

In case you haven’t read the news in the past month, there are plans to build an Islamic community center a few blocks from New York City’s Ground Zero. This has angered a lot of people who think the terrorists win if a moderate Muslim center is built nearby the site of of an Islamic-extremist terrorist attack.

Or to put it another way

Excellent point. If a Muslim country like Saudi Arabia forbids building churches and synagogues, we must do the same and ban mosques. We cannot afford a religious-intolerance gap!

And if we’re going to keep up with Saudi Arabia, there are a lot of other changes we need to make.

Saudi Arabia doesn’t allow public demonstrations. These anti-mosque protesters are actually hurting America by exercising a right Saudi Arabia doesn’t allow. That guy’s sign should really say

And when conservatives call for the repeal of the Fourteenth Amendment because it gives citizenship to babies of illegal immigrants born in America, they are missing a much bigger problem. What we really need to repeal is the Twenty-First Amendment, which repeals the Eighteenth Amendment which bans alcohol. Saudi Arabia has been beating us on the prohibition front for too long.

Also, Sarah Palin, I know you’re trying to help America, but you’re holding us back. Please consider my redesign of your book cover.

Because the only way to beat the terrorists is to become equally intolerant.

Political Self Attack Ad

Adam — Tue, 13 Jul 2010 14:58:21 +0000

Here’s the latest from my UCB Comedy Beta team The Brig.

Self Attack Ad
Watch more comedy videos at UCB Comedy

Jon Gutierrez wrote and starred in it, I directed and did the animation, Morgan Evans shot it and Nathan Russell edited it.

Politics of sports

Adam — Thu, 08 Jul 2010 05:44:17 +0000

G. Gordon Liddy recently attacked soccer as a sport, saying

[Soccer] comes from Latin America, uhh and first we have to get into this term, the Hispanics. Uhh that would indicate uhh Spanish language, and yes, these people uhh in Latin America speak Spanish. That is because conquistadores…tall uhh Caucasians, not very many of them, uhh conquered the Indians, and uhh the Indians adopted the language of their conquerors. But what we call Hispanics now really are South American Indians. And uhh uhh this game, I think, originated uhh with South American Indians, and instead of a ball they used to use the head, the decapitated head, of an enemy warrior.

Sure it seems xenophobic to dislike a sport because it wasn’t invented in America, uninformed to say it was invented in Latin America and racist to assume they played it with a decapitated head, but I have to give Liddy credit for staying consistent. Here are some criticisms he leveled at other sports.

On baseball

Baseball is the perfect example of what is wrong with America today. Baseball, like America, was invented by white Americans, and baseball, like America, is overrun by the decedents of Latin American savages who cross our porous boarders and take our jobs cleaning up at bat, mopping up on the mound and working the fields. Just look at any MLB roster; there’s enough Vazquezes, Martinezes and Rodriquezes that you’d think you’re reading a list of Wal-Mart janitors. And I don’t have to tell you, with enough of those type on a team, it’s just a matter of time before bases end up stolen. It’s time the MLB took a page from Arizona lawmaker’s playbook and made baseball for Americans once and for all.

On basketball

Want to know why Obama loves basketball? Because Obama loves European socialist programs, and it seems now like every NBA team has at least one European player who helps his team with with an unselfish playing style. And if that’s not bad enough, these European guys always look really goofy, like they don’t have full control over their gangly limbs, even when they’re moving the ball well or scoring a basket. They’re a disgrace to a game that used to celebrate the American ideals of showboating and flashiness.

On football

We’ve got the same problem in the GOP as we do in the NFL. It used to be we had a preferential system in place, starting all the way in high school, that fast tracked white guys to the important decision making positions. Now, we have to look diverse, so we end up with leaders like Michael Vick or Michael Steele, who keep messing up by killing dogs or making boneheaded public statements like calling Afghanistan “a war of Obama’s choosing.”

On hockey

Did you know that over half of NHL players are Canadian? That means when you buy a ticket, some of that money goes to a Canadian, which then gets taxed by Canada, which then supports their socialized medicine, and I’ll be damned if I let even one cent of my hard earned money help save a Canadian life.

On golf

Golf is elitist, wasteful and expensive. Only wealthy neighborhoods can afford courses and only wealthy people can afford access and equipment. As a game that clearly favors the rich over the poor, it is everything that makes America exceptional.

BP and Over-Regulation

Adam — Thu, 24 Jun 2010 06:08:02 +0000

It’s been 66 days since BP’s Deepwater Horizon drilling rig exploded, killing 11 workers and causing an oil spill that’s leaking anywhere between 25,000 and 160,000 barrels of oil per day.

It’s a huge disaster, everyone is angry and pointing fingers, but I think we can all agree on one thing:

We need less offshore drilling regulation.

The BP leak has been going for two months, and we can’t stop it because we don’t know how. And we don’t know how because we’ve never dealt with a leak this severe before. And we’ve never dealt with a leak this severe because of too much regulation. We will eventually figure out how to plug this leak, but it will be too late because we would have already known how to if it wasn’t for those pelican loving regulations.

How ironic that the majestic sea birds we hoped to protect with regulations are the ones we hurt the most. And it’s not just the pelicans that are paying the price. Let’s say the leak is spewing 50,000 barrels of oil a day. Over 66 days that’s 3,300,000 barrels of oil. One barrel of crude oil produces 19.5 gallons of gas, which means we’ve wasted 64,350,000 gallons of unleaded. The current average national price for gasoline is $2.74, so we’ve lost $176,319,000.00. That’s a lot of money.

But if we got this oil spill over in 1999, when gas cost $0.99 per gallon, we’d have only lost $63,706,500.00. That’s a savings of $112,612,500.00, and in this economy every 112,612,500 dollars can help.

When you think about it, the only real tragedy is that no one messed up earlier. So instead of being mad at BP, we should be thankful they made up for lost time before gas prices rose even higher.

Humane Executions

Adam — Fri, 18 Jun 2010 08:32:16 +0000

Earlier today Utah executed Ronnie Lee Gardner for killing a man while trying to escape from a courthouse in 1985. His execution caused a bit of controversy because he choose to die by firing squad and some people found it distasteful to use guns in an execution.

I could not agree more.

Guns are loud and scary, and bullet wounds are gross. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for bloodlust and deadly retribution, but we shouldn’t debase ourselves with the same unsightly violence we seek to punish.

To put it another way, our executions need to be less icky.

This is why I’m also against the electric chair. I don’t even like seeing someone put a nine volt battery on their tongue, let alone get strapped to a chair and have a metal cap shoot 2000 volts of electricity through their body causing them to throw up, crap themselves, spasm violently enough to break bones and even catch fire before they die.

Most other methods aren’t any better. Hangings feel antiquated, guillotines leave you with an unsightly head, and even lethal injections are a problem because I don’t like needles.

The good news is, I’ve come up with a solution.

From now on, we should only execute prisoners by burying them alive. It’s perfect because if they’re in a coffin we can’t see them die, and if they’re underground we can’t hear them scream. Even better, we never have to deal with the body because it’s already buried! No muss, no fuss!

And best of all, it’s the most humane option, because keeps us from witnessing our inhumane behavior.

My concession speech

Adam — Wed, 09 Jun 2010 18:38:20 +0000

While I did not win the election, I don’t view this as a defeat. My opponent and I had a healthy debate on the issues and the majority of voters disagreed with my views. That is democracy at its finest.

I got into politics for one reason: to serve the people. And the people voted against me. Which is why I am making one simple promise.

I will not change.

With this election, the people have spoken, and they have said quite clearly, “We are stupid.” So I will serve the people by fighting against everything they voted for. This will cause political gridlock, halt any real progress and create enough frustration to confuse the people into thinking I can fix it. Then, and only then, will I have served the people by showing them I was right all along. That is democracy at its finest.

See you in two years!