The #1 Dating Website

A lot of dating websites make promises, but only one delivers. Here’s the latest video from my UCB Comedy team The Brig.

Warning: Unless you have headphones, it’s NSFW.

The #1 Dating Website
Watch more comedy videos at UCB Comedy

I wrote and edited this one, Nathan Russell directed it, Mackenzie Condon produced it, Jason Guerrero shot it and Mark Phillips wrote the music. Nate wanted to play it very cute and innocent and I think Alden Ford and Laura Willcox did a great job.

Of Mosque and Men

In case you haven’t read the news in the past month, there are plans to build an Islamic community center a few blocks from New York City’s Ground Zero. This has angered a lot of people who think the terrorists win if a moderate Muslim center is built nearby the site of of an Islamic-extremist terrorist attack.

Or to put it another way

Excellent point. If a Muslim country like Saudi Arabia forbids building churches and synagogues, we must do the same and ban mosques. We cannot afford a religious-intolerance gap!

And if we’re going to keep up with Saudi Arabia, there are a lot of other changes we need to make.

Saudi Arabia doesn’t allow public demonstrations. These anti-mosque protesters are actually hurting America by exercising a right Saudi Arabia doesn’t allow. That guy’s sign should really say

And when conservatives call for the repeal of the Fourteenth Amendment because it gives citizenship to babies of illegal immigrants born in America, they are missing a much bigger problem. What we really need to repeal is the Twenty-First Amendment, which repeals the Eighteenth Amendment which bans alcohol. Saudi Arabia has been beating us on the prohibition front for too long.

Also, Sarah Palin, I know you’re trying to help America, but you’re holding us back. Please consider my redesign of your book cover.

Because the only way to beat the terrorists is to become equally intolerant.

Infographics

Recently I haven’t had the time to write new blog posts. I was beginning to feel guilty until I received an e-mail that offered a solution.

From: <redacted>
To: Adam Sacks

Hello Adam Sacks,

I know you’re really busy, so I will try to make this quick and painless. My name is <redacted> and I work with a company that creates and distributes infographics. We are willing to pay you for every infographic you post.

Here are a couple examples of the work we do:

http://mashable.com/2010/05/10/ipod-revolution-infographic/

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/brian-clark-howard/the-meteoric-rise-of-crai_b_649183.html

http://www.neatorama.com/spotlight/2010/06/17/13-things-worth-knowing-about-super-mario/

We would love to provide you with content while paying you for it.

Wow! Making money to not write? That’s like getting paid to procrastinate, the holy grail for every writer. Needless to say, I was very interested so I responded.

From: Adam Sacks
To: <redacted>

Hi <redacted>,

As you know, my site gets a lot of traffic from highly educated visitors with very specific interests. Here is a list of some topics I would consider posting infographics about.

19th century Russian economic development in relation to the Crimean War.

Shifts in soil content of the Nunavut territory from the Precambrian to Neoproterozoic age.

The rise and fall of the Aristotelian worldview, specifically in regards to 18th century Enlightenment discoveries.

Changes in teapot construction during China’s Sung Dynasty.

The impact advances in fingerprinting technology had on local Chicago elections from 1942-58

And of course anything relating to non-Superstring theory solutions to the mathematical paradox between General Relativity and Quantum Mechanics as a particle approaches a black hole.

Please let me know if you can provide content that would interest my readers. I think this could be something that would benefit us both.
Adam

Less than an hour later I receive the following.

From: <redacted>
To: Adam Sacks

Hi Adam,

Unfortunately we do not have graphics based on the topics you are asking about, sorry. What a bummer, I was looking forward to working with you.

Anyway, if you are ever open to other topics we have please feel free to contact me whenever.

Thanks for your time.
<redacted>

To which I responded.

From: Adam Sacks
To: <redacted>

Hi <redacted>,

That is indeed a “bummer,” but I am not one to give up so easily. Here are some topics that are a bit more mainstream. I’d be a little surprised if you didn’t have something along these lines.

The evolution of square taper, loose ball bearing bottom brackets to external cartridge based bearing bottom brackets such as Shimano’s Hollowtech II, RaceFace’s X-type, or FSA’s MegaExo.

The deterioration over time of ganglioside biodegradation by hexosaminidase A in Tay-Sachs cells.

The effectiveness of the Budapest Defense in official US Chess Federation tournament play before and after the introduction of the Fischer Variation of the Ruy Lopez opening.

And again, I really do mean ANYTHING related to non-Superstring theory solutions to the mathematical paradox between General Relativity and Quantum Mechanics as a particle approaches a black hole. I know you said you didn’t have anything about it, but maybe you were limiting yourself to non-Euclidean phase space geometry?

Thanks again for your time. I look forward to a fruitful partnership.
Adam

Believe it or not, they wrote back.

From: <redacted>
To: Adam Sacks

Hey Adam,

Your topic interests and ours seems to be a little off… haha Did you see our example of our infographics down in the first email?

We are able to distribute the ones we have to you but we are not going to be able to create new ones based on your topic interests.

Let me know what you think about ours and get back to me.

Talk to you soon,
<redacted>

Since this person seemed so willing to work with me, I figured I should try to be more accommodating in my requests.

From: Adam Sacks
To: <redacted>

Okay <redacted>,

I’d really like to work with you guys so I’m going to break my own rule here and say I’m willing to post something Superstring theory related. I’d prefer it to not be about the Calabi–Yau manifold, but I am flexible if that’s all you have.

Looking forward to hearing from you.
Adam

Shockingly, they responded.

From: <redacted>
To: Adam Sacks

Hey Adam,

The examples I sent you are all we have as far as layout goes. Are you going to be okay with that?

Then I remembered…

From: Adam Sacks
To: <redacted>

Hi <redacted>,

You know, I’ve been racking my brain all day, trying to think of a topic you guys might have that would interest my readers and then it hit me:

My readers also love video games. Do you have any video game related infographics?
Adam

Sadly, they never responded. I was pretty crushed until I did a quick Google search and found a Superstring theory infographic on my own. Sure, I’m not getting paid 10 dollars to post it, but I hope you enjoy it anyway.

Real Fake Guns

There’s a real problem with fake guns. Here’s the latest video I directed for my UCB Comedy Beta team The Brig.

Real Fake Guns
Watch more comedy videos at UCB Comedy

Crystal Delahanty wrote it, I directed it, Mackenzie Condon produced it, Nathan Russell shot it and Matt Mayer edited it. It stars Tim Martin and Mike Still who both did a great job delivering some difficult lines.

Also, a big thanks to the Abracadabra Superstore for letting us use their store. They were great to us, everyone should buy a fake gun from them.