Who’s on Base 7?

Some people found my list of 2010′s 10 best numbers in base 7 to be a bit confusing. That was not my intention, so I made a video that will hopefully explain it better.

2010′s 10 Best in Base 7

Update: I made this into a video.

The days between Christmas and New Years are that special time when bloggers list 10 things they liked from the previous year to show off how smart they are. I am no different, so here are my 10 favorite numbers from 2010. And because my favorite number from 2010 was (spoiler alert) 7, I did my list of 10 in base 7. It wasn’t easy, there were a lot of great numbers in 2010, but not all of them could make it to the top 7, which is 10 in base 7.

10: 13, which is base 7 for 10. 10 is my base 7 10th favorite number.

6: 6, which is 6 in base 7 or 10.

5: 4 (still 4).

4: C, which is 12 in base 13. 13 was my favorite base in 2010, different from 7, which was my favorite number, although this list is in base 7. That’s also why I listed 13 is my 10th (i.e. 7th) favorite number, even though 13 is really 10, while 16 is my favorite base of 2010 (2010 is BB8 in base 13) in base 7.

3: 15 in base 7. Now I know what you’re thinking, “That’s crazy, because 15 in base 7 is the same as C in base 13!” Good observation, but I see subtle distinctions and while I like 12, I slightly prefer it as C in base 13, certainly more than than base 7′s 15.

2: 1, because it’s straight forward in any base, and I appreciate that.

1: 7. Which doesn’t exist in base 7. 7 in base 7 is 10, but 10 base 7 is not my favorite number. It’s actually my base 10 7th favorite base 7 number. If you’re confused right now, just remember this was a list of my favorite numbers told in base 7, not a list of my favorite base 7 numbers.

If you’re interested, here is the list of my 10 favorite base 7 numbers.

10: 13

9: 12

8: 11

7: 10

6: 6

5: 5

4: 4

3: 3

2: 2

1: 22, although 22 in base 7 is 13 in base 13, which I HATE because that’s confusing, even though 13 is my 10th favorite number (in base 10 or 13, but 13th favorite in base 7) in base 7.

Of course, these are just my opinions and you know what they say about opinions and thumbs (“Who’s got 10 base 2 thumbs and has an opinion? This guy!”). Feel free to let me know in the comments section what your favorite numbers were in 2010.

Tech Mom – Episode 3: Hacking Made Easy

The epic Tech Mom trilogy finally comes to a close. Don’t watch this one until you’ve seen the first and second episode.

Tech Mom – Episode 3: Hacking Made Easy
Watch more comedy videos at UCB Comedy

Written by Zack Phillips
Directed by me
Edited by Shamikah Christina Martinez
Produced by Mackenzie Condon
Starring Pamela Murphy
Featuring Nathan Russell

UN Home Security

I just wrote, directed and edited a video for UCBcomedy and Babelgum.

United Nations Home Security

This was by far the biggest production I’ve directed. And it had the fastest turn around. We wrapped filming on Wednesday December 8th, and I finished the video yesterday (with a few all-nighters in between).

Producers: Todd Bieber and Julie Gomez
Director of photography: Alexander Chinnici
Art director: Sarah Scheld
Special effects: Michael Costabile (the box crash), Ed Mundy (the call center computer screens), Dan Opsal (house force field), Kyle Brosius (lower thirds graphics), and me (everything else).
Narration: Ben Rameaka
Starring in order of appearance: Lauren Adams, Julia Wells, Josh Patten, Corinne Allarde, Lou Lasher, Sunita Deshpande, Dru Johnston, Todd Bieber, James Leggero, Keisha Zollar, Tabitha Lee and Sagar Bhatt

Quatro Zany!

Four Loko may be going off the shelves soon, but don’t worry there’s a new alcoholic energy drink.

Quatro Zaaaaaaany!
Watch more comedy videos at UCB Comedy

This is the latest from my UCB team The Brig. I wrote it, edited and did special effects. Nathan Russell directed it and did the narration. Laura Turner Garrison produced it, and Mitch Magee stars in it.

TSA: Newly Banned Items

Here’s the latest from my UCB Comedy team The Brig.

TSA: Newly Banned Items
Watch more comedy videos at UCB Comedy

We came up with the idea as a group and I wrote it. I directed it, Shamikah Christina Martinez shot it, and Nathan Russell edited it. It stars D’Arcy Carden and Connor Ratliff.

Heaven: FAQ

Congratulations! You are reading this because you died, and I, God, judged you worthy of Heaven. You probably have a lot of questions, but I’m awfully busy and don’t have time to answer them in person. This document should answer your main concerns.

Q: Am I in Heaven?

A: Not yet. To enter Heaven, you must read this document and agree to its terms.

Q: What is Heaven?

A: Pure and constant happiness for all eternity.

Q: Will I be reunited with my loved ones?

A: Heaven is total happiness, and your loved ones, no matter how wonderful, would occasionally disappoint, annoy, anger or otherwise cause you suffering. Heaven has a zero tolerance policy for such emotions, thus you will not be reunited.

Q: Can you make it so my loved ones never cause me suffering?

A: I could, but that would mean changing their identities to make you
happy, which is hardly fair to them.

Q: In Heaven, will I get answers to the questions I always wondered about? Did the-one-who-got-away still think about me? Did I miss my true calling in life? Did aliens land in Roswell, New Mexico?

A: All answers lead to more questions, and spending eternity questioning your life would spiral into self-doubt, regret and depression.

Q: In Heaven, do I get the material possessions I always wanted but could not afford?

A: To eliminate jealousy, there are no personal belongings in Heaven.

Q: Why can’t everyone have the same possessions?

A: Forced equality makes people as unhappy as natural inequality. That’s why I had to cancel Happyball.

Q: What is Happyball?

A: It’s a sport I invented similar to baseball except everyone is good at it and on the same team.

Q: That sounds terrible.

A: It lasted only half an inning. People got bored after the 35th consecutive home run.

Q: Will I get to hear Beethoven himself play piano?

A: No. Also, Shakespeare won’t write you a sonnet, Picasso won’t paint you a portrait, and Einstein won’t teach you General Relativity. It’s unfair for geniuses to be expected to ply their crafts like party tricks for eternity. Also, Picasso’s portrait would make you angry.

Q: What do we eat in Heaven?

A: Obviously, Heaven could have only the finest and most delicious foods imaginable. Unfortunately, by eating them every day, you would quickly become accustom to and disappointed by them. That is why there is no food in Heaven.

Q: So what is Heaven?

A: Pure and constant happiness for all eternity.

Q: Why will I be happy in Heaven?

A: Because you’ll play the harp.

Q: But I don’t know how to play the harp.

A: It wouldn’t matter if you did. Before entering Heaven, I strip your brain down to just the part of its dopamine pathway that is activated by plucking harp strings. It’s a very time-consuming operation that only I can perform, which is why I can’t intervene in affairs on Earth.

Q: But that means losing my entire identity. How could God, an omnipotent being, create such an awful Heaven?

A: Never in your life did you experience sustained joy without any suffering. Surely you realized something fundamental would have to change for Heaven to be eternal happiness.

Q: I thought once the bad people were gone, everyone would get along.

A: Two good people can still bother each other. Here’s the problem: I created you in my image, but there’s only one of me and I didn’t realize that a bunch of mes wouldn’t always get along.

Q: Heaven sounds terrible. Can I go somewhere else?

A: If you want, I can send you to Hell.

Q: What is Hell like?

A: Hell is going to Heaven but keeping your brain.

Q: So my options are to lose my entire sense of self but experience pure unending joy, or to keep my identity but be surrounded by brain-dead harp pluckers?

A: Correct. Please make your decision and sign at the bottom. Also, if it makes you feel better, aliens did crash land in Roswell. All three died on impact and are in Heaven playing the harp.

Tech Mom – Episode 2: Mailbag

Here’s the second episode of Tech Mom from my UCB Comedy team The Brig. If you haven’t seen the first episode, go watch it here.

Tech Mom – Episode 2: Mailbag
Watch more comedy videos at UCB Comedy

Written by Zack Phillips
Directed and edited by me
Produced by Mackenzie Condon
Starring Pamela Murphy

My Best Friend Franklin

I don’t usually use this blog to talk about my personal life, but this is a special case. I have a new best friend!!! Check out the e-mail he sent me.

From: franklin.coyle@clutchdomains.com
To: Adam Sacks

Hello, my name is Franklin Coyle from Clutch Domains. Adamthink.com will be available for purchase in a few days. Since you own adamthinks.com, I thought you might be interested in adamthink.com.

It is recommended to eliminate any confusion to adamthinks.com, to own both the singular/plural versions of the domain. Your purchase will be a one time fee only that includes one year of complimentary registration.

Franklin Coyle
Clutch Domains
865 SW 78th Ave, Suite A100, Plantation, FL 33324

Franklin is such a great guy, right? He sees that my website ends in an s, figures people might forget and type in the grammatically incorrect adamthink (which I guess is correct if you’re telling me what to do), and then he ACTUALLY GOES TO THE EFFORT of buying adamthink.com so that an opportunistic jerk can’t buy it first. There’s a word for someone who does that, and it’s “new best friend.”

So I replied.

From: Adam Sacks
To: Franklin Coyle

Hi Franklin,

I don’t want to be too forward, but I anyone who would put the time and effort into helping me keep my web traffic is someone I could really be best friends with. Which is good for you and your company because I only do business with besties.

Let me give you a little information about myself: I’m 34, I grew up in Atlanta and now live in New Jersey. I’m an amateur landscape painter, and have three adorable Shiba Inu dogs, Pierce, Polk and Taft. I also recently quit my job to follow my dream of web entrepreneurship by starting DogFacebook.us, a social networking site for dog lovers, and I think people like you are the exact type with which I need to become best friends.

Now that I’ve shared something about myself, what can you tell me about yourself? What are Franklin Coyle’s hobbies, interests and pets? Where did you grow up? Can I call you Frank? Do you own a dog?

The more you share, the faster we can become super-best friends.

Your new best friend,
Adam

Then disaster struck!

From: Clutch Domains
To: Adam Sacks

Adam,

If you do have an interest in buying adamthink.com, please visit: <redacted>

Where did my best friend Franklin go, and who is this generic “Clutch Domains” guy?

From: Adam Sacks
To: Clutch Domains

Where is Franklin? Is he okay? Why didn’t he respond? Does he let friends call him Frank?

I’m really worried that he got mauled by a viscous dog he tried to rehabilitate from a shelter. That’s why now I only adopt purebreds like my Shiba Inus Pierce, Polk and Taft. I already told them about Franklin and they’re really excited to meet him. Please let me know know what hospital he is in, so I can send flowers. Or better yet, have him start an account on DogFacebook.us, and have him link it to his cell phone so that I can call him directly.

Franklin’s best friend,
Adam

Three days passed and I still hadn’t heard back, so I tried one last time.

From Adam Sacks
To: Franklin Coyle

Franklin, I’m so sorry I haven’t been able to get in touch. I bet right now you’re in the hospital, your head wrapped in gauze because a half-Rottwiler, half-Doberman Pinscher tore your face to ribbons, wondering why I haven’t called you. It’s not for lack of trying. Can you believe I couldn’t find a single Franklin Coyle phone number listed in all of Florida? Crazy! I’d also like to point out that we could be talking on the phone right now if you had just registered at DogFacebook.us like you promised.

Not that I can stay mad at you. As a token of our friendship, here’s a card I painted for you. I know you’ll love it.

I Google mapped your work address and used street views to paint a landscape of the Chill’s Bar and Grill I could see. I included my Shiba Inus Pierce, Polk and Taft to make it more personal. They’re extra big because that’s how much they’re looking forward to meeting you once you’ve recovered.

Also, if your friends call you Frank, let me know and I’ll make you a new painting.

Your friend for life,
Adam

P.S. In googling your work address, I saw that your office, in addition housing Clutch Domains, is home to the companies First Beat Media Inc, Reliable Domain Brokers, Limited Time Domains, Worldwide Domain Service, Razor Sharp Domains, Secured Premium Domains, Premier Domain Investments, Premier Domain Brokers and Premium Value Domains. You guys must have such fun working together.

I still haven’t heard anything back. I’d really appreciate it if everyone would e-mail franklin.coyle@clutchdomains.com and wish him a speedy recovery.

The Inception of Political Attack Ads

Commercials within commercials. Will it ever end?

Here’s a video I wrote with Zack Phillips.

I did the animation, Matt Mayer, Nathan Russell and Mark Phillips did the narration, and Mark also did the music. It starts Rob Webber, Nat Freedberg and Kent Kincannon.