This past August, deep underground in the Democratic headquarters’ strategy room.
Robin: Guys, we’re getting pounded in the news about our health care reform. They only cover the most outlandish, outrageous arguments like government death panels. We need to do something!
BatReid: I am doing something, my ward. I tell everyone at our cocktail parties of like-minded friends how ridiculous the whole situation is.
Robin: No! We need to do something big.
WonderPelosi: What do you mean, boy wonder?
Robin: Death panels have been used to scare people away from a public insurance option. But we have death panels now. They’re the for-profit insurance companies that will use any acne as a pre-existing condition to deny cancer treatment. That will purposely send the elderly the wrong forms to fill out, hoping that they die before the bureaucratic problems are sorted out. That will encourage employees to cancel policies of those with expensive illnesses.
AquaDodd: I know. That’s why we’re trying to pass health care reform.
Robin: But no one is getting the message. To compete in the brain-dead news world, we need visceral images. We should stack body bags in front of Assurant Health’s building for every person they killed by denying coverage. We should have children who have lost a parent wearing shirts that say “Blue Cross decided my Daddy’s life was too expensive.” We should find people who went bankrupt when UnitedHealth wouldn’t pay for necessary procedures and have them pan handle outside the offices.
SuperObama: I think it’s important to stay above the fray.
BatReid: Let’s just deal with this problem the same way we dealt with George W. Bush.
Robin: You mean avoid making convincing arguments and let the problem fester hoping that eventually people come to our side out of sheer desperation?
At the Hall of Republicans.
DickLex LuthorArmey: Let’s spread rumors that Obama will make everyone wait in breadlines for hours to get prescription drugs.
Bizarro Steele: And that Democrats are mad crazy off the hook wanna kill Medicare.
Cheetah Palin: And that Obamacare is a liberal ploy to let Muslims eat Christian babies.